fantasy

"if today i visit a coffee shop, will the twenty-something year old sitting at the table in front of me with dark eyes and scruffy hair see my curls and think about the girl he loved who draped her hair across his chest while she slept and he waited until he could be the first to see her eyes open again. if i decide to take the bus home, will the woman with bags under her eyes see my skinny fingers grip the seat and be reminded of the first time he held her hand and why the fuck he ever let it go. if i decide to walk halfway to my apartment will the girl smoking the cigarette on the corner with fur on her shoulders and lipstick on her chin see my green eyes and think of the ones who looked into hers and said he’d never leave, then left her on the street when she got too hard to handle. if i decide to say ‘fuck it’ and turn around and go to tell my friend that i’m not okay, will the dead grass in the yard remind me of how you made me feel, will the cracks in the sidewalk remind me of what i did to myself, will the grey sky remind me of your eyes that weren’t all that pretty just fucking scary, will every sharp picket fence that i pass by remind me of how you stabbed me in the back and will every gush of wind remind me that maybe i did it all to myself. maybe if love wasn’t such a strong feeling maybe it wouldn’t matter who it affected. yeah i guess my outing showed me that love is everywhere—and maybe that’s why there’s so much hate."